Archive for August, 2010

This commercial reminds me of my Swiss dad

August 31, 2010

(It has a fuzzy digestive system in it.  He’s a gastroenterologist.)

Received in the mail today:

August 28, 2010

A letter from my insurance company comprising 3 pages.  I haven’t had the chance to read pages 2 and 3 yet, although I’m sure they’re highly entertaining.  Page 1, however, was completely blank, with the exception of a caption reading “COVER SHEET”.

Let’s save trees, y’all… think before you write!

Differences between Swiss and American hospitals

August 27, 2010

Hello from room 911!  I have now been in the hospital for a week, and will hopefully get out tomorrow.

So, thoughts on food:

Switzerland — general, everyday food with a little ostrich thrown in now and then for fun.  Usually very tasty.

The US — a decidedly more American flair.  Migas for breakfast, hamburgers for lunch, and cake for dessert.  So far, all I’ve been able to eat is the fruit and vegetables.

The accomodations:

Switzerland — a mix of private rooms and wards.

The US — private room, and private toilet!  Nothing better in life than a private toilet.

Cleanliness:

Switzerland — obsessed with it.

The US — getting better about it.  Mom said there’s a big change in this hospital since my grandma was here last year.

The stay:

Switzerland — they keep you until they’re sure you’re not going to be coming right back through the door.

The US — the insurance company approved a 5-day stay.  Because I’ve been here longer than 5 days, the doctor has to call in an override.  I shouldn’t be going home tomorrow, but I probably am.

I’m sure I’ll have more to comment on later…

Now I’ve seen it all

August 26, 2010

Seen on the alarm that rang in my hospital room:

Alarm.  No action needed.

Seen on a paper shopping bag

August 19, 2010

“Please hold both handles.”

Only in America.

Why it’s important…

August 17, 2010

…to read your bank’s change of terms notice all the way to the end:

Because if you didn’t, you’d miss gems like this:

“The following notice is meant for customers who speak Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean or Tagalog.

IMPORTANTE:  Si usted no lee inglés, pida a su intérprete que revise y le describa el contenido de esta carta.  Llamenos al 1-800-642-4720 para discutir su duda o recibir una respuesta a sus preguntas.

Un petit joyau du passé

August 14, 2010

I’ve been going through all my belongings here and I’ve found a few little gems… like a journal I kept in French for one of my classes 8 years ago, before I ever lived or studied abroad.

I didn’t have any reference books on hand to help out while I was writing it, hence the disclaimer inside the front cover (exactly as it appears in the original):

AVERTISSEMENT:  L’auteur de ce journal intime n’avait pas de dictionnaire quand elle était en train de l’écrire.  Ainsi, il faut attendre qu’il se trouve beaucoup plus d’erreurs de grammaire et d’orthographe que d’habitude dans son travail écrit.  Lisez avec caution…

I had a bit of a creepy bathroom experience in our hostel in Paris (for those who don’t know, Mimi Geignarde is the French name for Moaning Myrtle from the Harry Potter series):

jeudi, 23 janvier 2003

Je suis vraiment convaincue qu’il y a un esprit qui hante les toilettes.  Une petite Mimi Geignarde, si vous voulez.  Quand j’y entre, je ferme la porte, et elle se rouvre brusquement.  La porte ne veut pas être fermée à clé.  Il y a toujours de l’eau par terre.  (Ou bien, j’espère que c’est de l’eau et pas un homme ivre qui a raté son tir!)

Les lumières s’éteignent tout seul.  Quand je veux sortir, la porte ne veut pas être defermée à clé.  Un jour, il m’a fallu cinq minutes pour y sortir.  Cinq bonnes minutes!  Ce n’est pas normale, ça… Et aujourd’hui, j’ai ouvert la porte pour sortir, et il y avait quatre hommes français là qui me regardaient et qui ne voulaient pas me laisser sortir.  J’ai peur d’aller aux toilettes, maintenant…

I swear I can see straight

August 12, 2010

Lately I’ve been misreading a lot of things.

In a recipe, “large Hass avocadoes” became “large-ass avocadoes”.
A street sign up the road read “Death” instead of “Heath”.
A billboard advertised services by “hungry” lawyers instead of “injury” lawyers.

What will I see next?

I think I’ve finally got my butt tied on

August 11, 2010

I have health insurance and have seen the oncologist and dentist.  I’ve gotten a round of prescriptions and I have CT and MRI scans scheduled for next month.

I have a car and car insurance, and I’ve ordered an updated driver’s license.  And I’ve learned to drive to and from some important places in town.

I’ve registered to vote.  (I wonder what the registrar’s office thought about receiving my application in a 10-year-old Hallmark envelope?  That adhesive tasted nasty!)

I have a library card (and I’ve checked out a library book).

Now all I have to do is get a social life… will be working on that Friday at the synagogue. 🙂

Y’all’d better stay off the road

August 10, 2010

I took my first solo drive in town today!  We’ve been practicing getting me to and from places like the grocery store, my grandma’s apartment, and the pharmacy.

Today I was off to be fingerprinted — I feel like such a criminal!