Archive for December, 2010

Another “I love my mom” post

December 30, 2010

I swear, I’m going to have to create a separate category for these…

Scene: Me, alone in my room with the door shut so my stepdad can’t see me, naked except for my panties and a half-on, half-off sportsbra.

Me: MOM!!!!!!!!
Mom (opening the door): Yes?
Me: I need help.  I’m stuck.
Mom: Okay.  Pick up your boobs.
Me (to myself, while complying with this strange request): Okaaaaaaaay…
Mom (after popping the bra’s fabric back over my boobs): There!
Me: Mom!  I need help taking the bra off, not putting it on!
Mom: Oh…


Happy birthday to me!

December 28, 2010

My mom and stepdad got creative with the birthday song at dinner tonight, using a variety of tunes that included some Christmas carols, which I pointed out wasn’t exactly appropriate.  So they burst into “Happy Birthday” to the tune of “Hava Nagila”.  All they needed to complete the scene was André Rieu in the background…

I woke up this morning

December 26, 2010

put on my new purple robe and looked in the mirror, and here’s what looked back at me:

Poor dog

December 26, 2010

I had a Criminal Minds-esque nightmare last night and woke up screaming, thereby rousing the rest of the household. It startled my dog so badly that when everyone came in to see what was wrong, he stood on me and growled at them to protect me.

He’s such a good dog. 🙂

Role reversal

December 25, 2010

The dogs were given a lamb bone this morning for Christmas.

Now they’re the ones farting and chasing me off the couch…

I love my mom

December 24, 2010

Me: I wonder how they’ll design the New Year’s glasses this year.
Mom: How come?
Me: Well, for the last several years they’ve had two zeroes in the year, which is a convenient design for glasses.
Mom: There are two zeroes in 2011!
Me: Really?  Where?
Mom (looking sheepish): In the 2000 part?
Me (laughing hysterically): I am so putting this on my blog.
Mom: No! People are going to think I’m stupid.°

°She’s not stupid.  She just makes me laugh a lot.  And I love telling stories on her.


December 20, 2010

I finally finished my “Why I Want to be Jewish” essay for my rabbi.  He gets a gazillion of these, but I think mine might stand out a bit — we’ve got earthquakes, sex, cancer, and a mysterious lost generation of people, plus more traditional topics like prayer, Jewish values, and ritual observance.  All in six pages.  😉

That didn’t work so well…

December 19, 2010

I haven’t uploaded the photos yet, but our gingerbread house was a complete and total failure.  Almost as bad as the ugly Easter eggs from earlier this year.  Or maybe worse — the chimney fell down, a wall caved in, the candy fell off — at least it tasted good!

Oh, the indignity

December 18, 2010

of having to suffer through a Snuggies ad on TV.

Followed by a ChiaPet ad, followed by a Clapper ad.  Shouldn’t those have been taken off the air years ago?

At least we don’t have the “ooh-aah” Mattress Giant commercial anymore…

My happy for the day

December 16, 2010
  • hearing my favorite birdy when I woke up
  • bendy straws
  • puppy dog dirt under my fingernails
  • indoor plumbing
  • feeling slightly better