Archive for February, 2011

These two dogs

February 28, 2011

Obnoxious Osker and Lazy Lucy.  I swear.  Sometimes they don’t deserve the food I put in their bowls at night.

But they make me smile anyway. 🙂

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

February 27, 2011

My mom thinks I look like I have the measles.  I think I look like I have the chicken pox.

Either way, my skin does not like this new chemo!

Bucket List

February 26, 2011

I guess we all have one, but mine’s a little more urgent than most people’s.  I knocked two items off mine today — ordering sushi in a restaurant and going to a 3D movie.  The seaweed around the sushi was a bit strong (so I ate the sushi unwrapped) and the movie made me a little queasy, but hey — I tried it. 🙂

Redundant much?

February 24, 2011

My grandmother watches the same cable TV channel 24/7.  This channel is advertising one of the shows from its spring lineup as “a new original series”.

As opposed to an old original series?

Or a new unoriginal series?

Sometimes I wonder.

I feel bad for the rabbi

February 21, 2011

I probably already shocked him to death with my “Why I Want to be Jewish” essay.  But now we’ve moved on to studying Purim.

As we’re reading the Megillah of Esther, we get to the part about the chamberlains and the rabbi asks:

Rabbi: So, what is a chamberlain?
Me (having the benefit of having read another translation of the story): A eunuch.
Rabbi: And what exactly is a eunuch?
Me: A guy without balls.
Rabbi: Exactly.  And why do they want eunuchs to guard a harem?
Me: Because they’re not sexually interested in the women.
Rabbi: Yes, and because castration makes them strong like oxen.
Rabbi (to me): What is an ox?
Me: Um…
Rabbi (to the class): If a eunuch is a guy with no balls, an ox is…
(crickets)
Rabbi: If a eunuch is a guy with no balls, an ox is a bull with no balls!

Oh.  Well.  At least I know that a gelding is a stallion with no balls…

Dear Lowe’s

February 20, 2011

Benjamin Franklin was not an American president.

Sincerely,

Someone who actually pays attention to commercials

Suffocation

February 19, 2011

On the way to shul last night, Mom suddenly exclaims, “Hold your breath!  Hold your breath!”

Me (to myself, wondering why, since I don’t smell a skunk): Okayyyy…

(Long, breathless interval.)

Mom: Okay, you can breathe now.
Me (gasping for air): Why?
Mom: We made the green light!!!

So frustrating

February 17, 2011

I have weird dreams a lot.  Last night was no exception.  The dream is too long and complicated and disjointed to repeat here, but it featured the guy I had a crush on in Geneva.  And there’s nothing I can do about it.  Damn.

Bummer

February 16, 2011

Let’s get the good news out of the way first — my doctor’s appointment went well today, and I didn’t bite anyone’s head off for lack of food.

Now the bad news — I have to take my chemo every.single.day.  Which isn’t really a terrible thing for all practical purposes, since the only side effect I’m noticing so far is dry, rashy skin.  But psychologically it kind of stinks, because there’s no more sense of satisfaction from having successfully completed a round of chemo.  I’ll just be taking the medicine every day for the rest of my life.

Bummer.

Happy Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2011

to my longest friend: