Archive for August, 2011

Unbalanced

August 28, 2011
  • Much to my chagrin, my left breast has always been noticeably larger than the right.
  • Much to the community theatre hairdresser’s chagrin, my left braid was always thicker than the right.
  • Much to my abdomen’s chagrin, it has a left kidney but not a right.
  • Much to my doctor’s chagrin, my left foot and ankle retain fluid more than the right.
  • What I didn’t know until today, thanks to my mom, is that my left eyebrow has more hair than the right.

I am going to end up walking crooked down the street…

 

 

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So close!

August 25, 2011

I am this close to celebrating one year free of overnight hospital stays.  The actual anniversary will come while I’m in Pittsburgh for my friend’s wedding a few weeks from now.  But since I am determined to be at the ceremony (they are, after all, honoring me by giving me a scripture reading to do and by donating to a kidney cancer research foundation in my name), I am confident that I will not be back in the hospital before then.

My new computer is so NCIS

August 24, 2011

Not only is it password-protected, but it also has an encrypted drive that is accessible only by fingerprint.  How awesome is that?!

My newest favorite commercial

August 23, 2011

My mom has always said that if I were a stray dog at the SPCA, they’d have to put me down instead of adopting me out because I’m so food aggressive.  I do not take kindly to sharing with anyone.  So this struck a note:

 

Next year’s Purim costume

August 22, 2011

The other day I came up with a brilliant idea for my next Purim costume.  I already own a purple bathrobe, so I will pair it with:

  • an eyepatch,
  • a party hat, and
  • a pair of angel wings.

Can you guess who I am?

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The one-eyed, one- horned, flying purple people eater!

Whine

August 19, 2011

I want my computer!!!  Waaaahhh!!!

(A virus corrupted the hard drive last week and the repair shop has a whopping backlog.)

I’m tired of trying to type on a keyboard with an unfamiliar layout, and I want my music.  At least I was able to buy a great Simon and Garfunkel CD to console myself…

The dog is not rabid

August 18, 2011

I have a cough.  A very persistent cough that has stuck with me for the past year despite three different prescriptions.

When I cough in public, my mom gets embarrassed.  She told me today that she wants to hang a sign around my neck that says “I am not contagious.”

Thanks, Mom.  I love you, too.

My dog’s second-favorite commercial

August 16, 2011

He knows the word “kitty” and runs for the TV to see the raccoon.

The Make-a-Wish Foundation

August 15, 2011

I wish they’d grant wishes for terminally ill young adults.  I wouldn’t mind getting set up for my first-ever date…

What do Société Générale and Carmax have in common?

August 11, 2011

Commercials with catchy theme songs and depressing lyrics.

Carmax:

Société Générale: