Archive for November, 2011

It’s no joke

November 28, 2011

My “longest friend”‘s little sister and her boyfriend went to their local deli on Thanksgiving, unaware that it was closed for the holiday.  When they arrived, there was a large amount of broken glass in the parking lot and a window was smashed in, so they called the police.  When the police arrived, they discovered a dead wild turkey in the middle of the restaurant.  Thinking it was a prank, they checked the security cameras, but no — the turkey really did burst through the glass storefront of its own volition.

So my friend’s little sister and her boyfriend got interviewed by the news and had their 15 minutes of fame.

As I was recounting the story to my mom, she asked, “Was it a real turkey?  Like, with feathers?”  “Yes, Mom,” I answered.  “It was a real, live dead turkey.”


It’s the holiday season

November 21, 2011

and not everyone has enough to eat.  And since I’m awake at 4 in the morning, I’m going to make my annual pitch for donating to your local food bank.

My local food bank is the South Texas Food Bank.  In order to meet their needs for the holidays, they need to raise 1 million pounds of food by Thursday (Thanksgiving).  It’s easy to make a donation — there are bins at the exits of every HEB grocery store, or you can mail in a check.  Soon, you’ll be able to donate online, too.

We donated a case of green beans and a case of pinto beans — 20 lbs of food.  But you don’t have to do that much.  If everyone in my city alone donated one can of food, the food bank would be over its goal.

To find your local food bank, go to

More on underwear

November 20, 2011

Mom’s been buying us serviceable but frumpy underwear all year.  And the stuff costs $25 per pack of 3.

Well, the other day I decided I wanted some cute little cotton panties that I saw on sale.

And after the sale and the additional coupon I had, I only paid $2.74 a pair. 🙂

Y’all are never going to believe this

November 20, 2011

We are actually going to go shopping on Black Friday.

We swore we wouldn’t, but we are.

Why?  Because suddenly, everyone needs underwear.  My dad wants undershirts for Christmas.  My grandma wants panties that are a size larger.  I need a new bra because I’m losing weight.

And all the underwear at Penney’s is going to be on fantabulous specials.  And I have a coupon for an additional 15% off.

Lord, help us brave the crowds!

I embarrass my mother

November 19, 2011

Today we went to the movies to see J. Edgar (and, incidentally, got in for $1.50 each).  I always get a large popcorn with extra butter, but the butter always leaks through the bag and I’m tired of it.

Solution: take a plastic popcorn bowl to the theatre.

She could not bear to be seen with me!

Who were Anna and Melissa?

November 17, 2011

As we were driving home from our family emergency last night, two of the first towns we crossed through in Texas were Anna and Melissa.  I couldn’t help wondering who those women might be, so I went and looked it up today.

The city of Anna has a history dating back to 1867, although it wasn’t incorporated until 1913.  There are several stories as to who Anna was — perhaps she was the daughter of the town’s first settler and mayor, or perhaps she was the daughter of the Dallas-Denison railroad line.  It appears that Melissa was named after a railroader’s daughter, as well.

Here’s the proof

November 16, 2011


Stacy and Clinton, eat your hearts out

November 15, 2011

When you’re on a gazillion and one drugs for cancer, it is inevitable that your weight will undergo extreme fluctuations.  Fluctuations as in over 100 pounds in the course of a year.  And when you wake up one day and realize that you are so large that you hate the way you look in the mirror, you know you have to go out and find an attractive wardrobe (at your very temporary size, since you’re constantly gaining or losing weight depending on the meds).

I have finished compiling this winter’s wardrobe without breaking the bank.  My secret: figure out what your favorite department store is.  Get a credit card account with them.  They will send you TONS of extra promotions in the mail that are not available to the general public, and it makes for some mega savings.  If you don’t want to worry about a credit card bill, stores will allow you to pay off your bill right at the register with either cash or a check.  But with the economy in its current shape, stores are desperate to attract customers and are giving out a lot more perks to their loyal shoppers than they used to.

I get almost all of my clothing at JCPenney.  I used to work there, so I am very familiar with the brands and what style of clothes is available in each one.  I’m also very familiar with their sale and clearance patterns, so I know when a sale ad on TV is the real deal or just hype.  A lot of my clothing comes off the 70% clearance rack, with me using additional coupons on top of that.

So, my winter wardrobe in a nutshell:

1 pair trouser jeans
1 pair brown twill pants
1 pair black shoes
1 pair burgundy shoes
1 grey skirt
3 new sweaters
3 old sweaters from last year that I fit back into
6 shells/tees for layering
3 or 4 assorted pullovers
1 khaki jacket
1 black jacket
1 trench coat from last year that I fit back into
1 pea coat from last year that I fit back into
1 pair silver earrings
1 pair golden earrings

Now, why do I say “Stacy and Clinton, eat your heart out”?  Because they would absolutely go nuts over the look, and I didn’t come anywhere near to spending $5000 on it.  In fact, it was all 50% to 90% off.  It’s a bright, colorful wardrobe that can handle anything that the San Antonio weather throws at us all winter long — warm weather, cool weather, the occasional cold snap — and it does not scream “I am a fat slob”.  It says, “I care about how I dress, even if I’m unhappy with my current size.  I’m pretty and feminine and confident.”

If anyone wants fashion 101 tips for building a solid wardrobe on an extremely limited budget, I’m happy to help. 🙂

All cuted up

November 15, 2011

My mom always had such a good time dressing me up when I was a little girl, and now I’m returning the favor.  She retired last year, but she’s still working four days a week in schools and she runs errands all over town and takes my grandmother and me to the doctor all the time.  So she needed a great work-to-weekend look, and she told me she wanted to feel more feminine than she has been recently.

So, out with all the bad pants (many years old worn-out jeans and black Dickies-looking things, elastic-waisted high-waters originally belonging to my grandmother, ill-fitting brown/khakhi pants).  In with nicely-fitting trouser jeans, black slacks, grey slacks, and a grey skirt.  Out with all the dull brick, dull olive, faded-out burgundy.  Out with the lumberjack shirts and the washed-out Saturday polo shirts.  In with a great variety of work-to-weekend shells with teal, purple, or pink patterns and four cardigans and a jacket to coordinate.  In with short-sleeved sweaters with ruffle details along the neckline.  In with three dresses — one fancy, two more casual.

We had a fit trying to find appropriate cardigans — we are both pear-shaped, and most cardigans this season are cut very long and add a lot of volume to the rear end without adding structure to the waist.  But after several attempts that made us look like moths, she found teal, purple, grey and black ones that look absolutely fabulous.

All we have left is accessorizing — and neither one of us is talented in that department.  We both have a few nice pieces of fine jewellery that we wear every day, and I have a hard time justifying spending a lot of money on costume jewellery that will only go with one or two outfits.  In fact, the only piece of costume jewellery I own is a $5 necklace that I bought at an outlet mall to go with a dress I wore to a wedding.

As soon as we return from Tulsa, I’ll post a recent picture. 🙂

It’s a contest

November 14, 2011

I think I am officially the one person amongst everyone I know who has been admitted to the doctor/hospital in the greatest number of places in the world.  Let’s count:

Dallas, TX
Garland, TX
Kerrville, TX
San Antonio, TX
Shreveport, LA
Middlebury, VT

Salamanca, Spain
Poitiers, France
Geneva, Switzerland

And now, as of last night, Tulsa, OK.

Come on.  Beat me.