Okay, I lied (and I found it)

I worked on the dog album before I worked on my high school travel albums. But it is now finished, and I am working on the travel album now. While I was digging out the supplies for that album, I finally found the graduation card I wanted to put in my high school album — it’s from my grandmother, and it goes like this:

If a dog and a rabbit both travel on land at the speed of light divided by the number of hairs on their respective bodies, but the dog sheds 23% of its fur during shedding season whereas the rabbit loses only 19%, yet the rabbit normally has only .394 times the number of hairs of the dog, and the dog swims twice as fast as the rabbit unless the water is below 40° Fahrenheit, in which case the dog travels 10 MPH slower for every degree under 40, and they begin a race at 7:53 AM (Pacific Standard Time) on April 3 from Omaha to Tokyo following the Great Circle Route, who would win?

Extra Credit: The visionary tetrametric runes of which melancholy diminutive Lithuanian poet/mechanic of the mid-19th century anticipated the above-mentioned contest?

(Inside of card)

Hey! You’ve graduated, so it’s really not your problem anymore! CONGRATULATIONS!

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