Archive for May, 2012

Airport Humor

May 31, 2012

Flying can be a pain in the rear end sometimes, especially with all of the security screening in the airport and growing lack of space in planes.  Sometimes, though, the announcements over the loudspeaker help make up for it.

Overheard today:

Will all passengers who have checked in at the Southwest Airlines desk in the past 15 minutes please try to make a phone call.  If you find that you have trouble making a call because your phone is missing, please come back to the Southwest ticket counter to retrieve it.

Will all the ladies having passed through security checkpoint Bravo One please check their earrings.  If you find that one of your ears is missing its earring, please return to the checkpoint to retrieve it.

Please stow all personal items at this time.  Personal items include purses, man-purses, bags, man-bags, paper bags, plastic bags, lunch bags, shopping bags, trash bags, barf bags, fanny packs, back packs, snack packs, and all other containers.

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Summer reading

May 28, 2012

When I was a little kid, I read all the time. I loved signing up for the summer reading program at the library, and I always blew everyone out of the water with how much I read.

Over the past two years, I have been made aware that I am woefully poorly read in English (I didn’t study English in college) — I don’t know the answers to any of the questions in the literature categories on Jeopardy! unless they’re questions on French lit.

So I’ve decided that this summer, I’m going to get through as many English-language classics as possible. I’ve started with the Complete Works of Shakespeare… that’s 1200 pages of tiny print in double columns, so it will take me awhile. I’m not exactly a speed reader anymore.

Oddly enough, I got on this reading kick when I found myself in the Spanish aisle of the library a few weeks ago — face-to-face with Garcia Marquez’s Cronica de una muerte anunciada, which I had read in high school but struggled with mightily. I checked it out and read it again, and even though I still didn’t understand certain vocabulary words, I managed to understand the whole thing by myself. If, one day, I manage to get through all the English classics I want to, I’ll start the Spanish classics…

My mom thinks my iPod is weird

May 28, 2012

I’ve got a rather eclectic collection of music on it — probably in more languages than on the iPods of anyone else I know. I’ve got:

Arabic
Aramaic
English
French (and two dialects thereof)
Gaelic
German
Hebrew
Latin
Romanian
Russian
Spanish
various Slovak languages

My latest download — Dragostea Din Tea (yes, I’m a dork that way):

Ewwwwww.

May 27, 2012

Usually when Mom and I go on trips, I’m the one who does all the planning.  This time, though, she picked out a hotel over my objections.

It was clean — no bugs or anything — but it was still gross.  At breakfast, the milk was sitting out on the bar in a gallon jug with no ice or refrigeration, and our room was so humid that the sheets felt wet (and I was surprised our clothes didn’t grow mold).

From now on, I pick the hotels.

The best set of directions I’ve ever been given

May 26, 2012

“If you go up I-35, it’s between Hooters and Planned Parenthood.”

Yikes!

May 25, 2012

As Mom and I were driving up to Dallas today, we were listening to music from my iPod with the aid of an iPod-to-tape-deck converter.  We had to turn the volume of the car stereo system up very loud to be able to hear the music.

Then Mom ejected the converter from the tape deck and the radio came BLARING on.  Scared the POOPOO out of us.

We darn near to drove off the road!

She doesn’t work

May 24, 2012

I bought my mom a GPS as a joint Mothers’ Day/birthday present.  Mom was really excited about it, and we decided to take it out for a spin before our trip to Florida.  Right before we left the house, Mom named the GPS “Maggie”.

Her sound system doesn’t work. 😦  Instead of giving the instructions “turn right” or “turn left”, she screeches with static.  Scared us to death the first time it happened.

It’s even more crushing than it should have been because we named her.  Lesson learned: don’t personify an inanimate object until you know you’ll have a good working relationship with it.

I’m not quite sure how to announce this

May 23, 2012

but I think I’m beginning to get my singing voice back.  I lost it just under two years ago (along with my speaking voice) when I ripped a breathing tube out of my throat when I was sedated in the hospital after having a seizure.  My speaking voice eventually came back (although not with the breadth of register it had before), but not my singing voice.  Since the chemos I’ve been on can cause dysphonia, I just assumed I would never be able to sing again.

Until today.  I was working on my scrapbook, listening to some of the new music I downloaded to my iPod, and — I’m not quite sure how or why — I started singing along to Martina McBride’s cover of “Rose Garden”.  My voice was a little shaky, and it felt a little strained, but I hit all the notes…

 

I love fresh fruit

May 21, 2012

As in, really fresh fruit. As in, fruit I just picked off a nasty, thorny bush.

We went to an orchard about an hour or so away from our house today to pick fruit. We ended up with 5 pounds of blackberries, 4 pounds of peaches, and an enormous onion.

I see cobbler in our future… 🙂

They say I can pass a TXDoT vision test

May 19, 2012

but I’m not so sure.

This morning at the breakfast table, I misread the bottle of “Morton Light Salt” as “Abortion Lite Salt”.

I think it’s a good thing I got my mom a GPS before our trip to Florida this summer!